Tell a tomato joke!!!

[Fusion_power]

If you post in this thread, please do so with a tomato joke. Make it wacky, make it corny, but mostly make it fun. Here's mine.

Me: My garden is full of Tennessee tomatoes this year.
You: What do you mean "Tennessee tomatoes"?
Me: Well, they are all volunteers.......

[Redbaron]

Guy walking down the street with the ugliest and strangest dog ever seen. Most people just turn away, some run away, but one curious child walks up and asks, "What is that? It looks like a big toe with legs!".

Man answers, "YES! That's her name. Toe. It's a dog, but it has some kind of genetic mutation. I am thinking about breeding her, to see if the genetics run true."

Girl asks, "Are you sure? That dog is pretty ugly."

Man agrees, "I have been asking myself the very same thing. Not sure yet."





After a long pause: "To Mate Toe? or not To Mate Toe? ... That is the question."

[Zana]

The bartender cut the man off...no more bloody mary's....because he always got "pasted".

[shelleybean]

Why did the tomato turn red?



He saw the salad dressing.

[JamesL]

Papa tomato, Mama tomato and Baby tomato are walking down the street.
Baby tomato is falling behind. Papa squishes him and says- Ketchup!

[daninpd]

This isn't tomato but it is garden related:

Garrison Keillor said summer is the only time the Lake Wobegon Lutherans lock their car doors when attending church. It's to prevent people from leaving bags of zucchini on the front seats.

[JLJ_]

Education is knowing that a tomato is a fruit and rhubarb is a vegetable.

Wisdom is knowing not to put tomato in the fruit cocktail and rhubarb on your BLT.

[RebelRidin]

An attractive woman was growing tomatoes for the first time and was impatient for them to turn red. She asked the older gentleman who lived behind her garden how he got his tomatoes to turn red. "Well I go out and expose myself to them twice a day", he said. "Best to do it right around breakfast time and again around dinner time. It makes them blush."

Well the woman spent the next two weeks doing as the man suggested. When he next saw her he asked how things were going. "Are your tomatoes red yet?", he asked. "No" she replied, "But my cucumbers are enormous!"

[joseph]

A new gardener in the Northern Utah Mountains is telling an old farmer about how proud he is of the newly planted Brandywine tomatoes... Being as wise as he is old, the farmer held a straight face until he left church and then laughed his head off for the rest of the day.

[peppero]

There are some good ones here. Sorry I don't have one.

jon

[Worth1]

There was once and ugly heirloom tomato.
She lived out in the garden with all of her friends that looked like her.
They had no idea they were ugly because they all looked ugly so it was the normal way to look.
Then one day a big truck rolled up and took some of them away to the big city.
As they approached the city the tomatoes all started gagging because of the fumes in the air.
What is this said the ugly tomatoes, it stinks.
I dont know said one, I miss the farm.
Finally after much bouncing around they arrived at a big store and were hauled into a cold section where other tomatoes were.

As they were sitting there all scared and wondering what was happening one of the store tomatoes started laughing.
Look, it said to the others, look how ugly the new guys are.
I know said the other ones they aren't like us we all look the same.
They all look different than the others and not like us.
No one will want them.
They will pick us because we are perfect and beautiful.
As the people came by to look at tomatoes the good looking tomatoes sat there and waited knowing they would be picked first.
They had to be because they were pretty.
The heirloom tomatoes wanted to be picked but they thought they had no chance because of their ugliness.
One person came by and said why would you want one of these ugly things and moved on.
They came to the pretty tomatoes and said oh look at these they are so pretty I will buy a bunch and take them home.
The store owner told the person they should try the heirloom tomatoes because they tasted better.
He said he would give them some for free so they could decide for themselves.
The person said well ok but I cant expect them to be as good as the pretty ones.
So she did and took them home.
The store tomatoes were making fun of the heirloom tomatoes in the car.
They said you are so ugly I bet the lady puts you in the trash.
The heirlooms started to cry.
When the lady got home she made some BLT sandwiches out of the store bought tomatoes for the family.
She didn't have enough tomatoes to go around and had to use the ugly tomatoes.

She said I'm sorry to her family, I have to use some of these ugly tomatoes I got for free at the store I hope they taste ok.
The ugly heirlooms all cheered and were happy to be wanted.

As the family sat down one of the children said this tomato is so good which one is it.
The mother said oh my it is an heirloom tomato.
The father said mine doesn't have any flavor.
The sister said mine just tastes like bacon.
The mother said mine tastes good too and I have an heirloom tomato.
You guys are eating the store tomatoes and they suck.

We will throw out the good looking store tomatoes and eat the ugly ones as they are tasty.
We will also save some seeds and plant them in a special place so we can have more.
The husband said, can we do that, we tried with the pretty tomatoes and their babies were horrible.

The mother said, the store owner said we could.

So the pretty tomatoes were tossed in the trash and if any of them had babies the bugs would eat them because they weren't taken care of.
The ugly heirlooms were planted in a nice place in the yard and to this day their great great great grand babies grow there.
Happy to be ugly and happy people wanted them.

Worth

[ScottinAtlanta]

Originally Posted by joseph

A new gardener in the Northern Utah Mountains is telling an old farmer about how proud he is of the newly planted Brandywine tomatoes... Being as wise as he is old, the farmer held a straight face until he left church and then laughed his head off for the rest of the day.

I don't get this one!

[Redbaron]

Originally Posted by ScottinAtlanta

I don't get this one!

You haven't tried growing tomatoes in the Northern Utah Mountains.

[Worth1]

Originally Posted by Redbaron

You haven't tried growing tomatoes in the Northern Utah Mountains.

Right.

Worth

[Fusion_power]

When your season is roughly 90 days from last frost to first frost, how are you going to get a ripe tomato from Brandywine that typically matures first fruit in 85 days and most of the crop is ripe about 100 days?


Someone told a joke that was 3 lines long and it got a laugh. That was worth3.

Someone else told a joke that was 2 lines long about salad dressing. That was worth2. (inquiring minds want to know what you were doing watching the salad dressing?)

Then someone told a short story that was 43 lines long. You might think that was worth43, but no, it was just Worth1.