After posting, I poured in some fish emulsion spiked agrothrive, and over the weekend the plants looked better but could just be placebo. We went ahead and spread some garden tone fertilizer this weekend and will continue to monitor.
Bill: you suggested fusarium wilt a couple years ago when I first started this thread, I did not forget that
We're not getting a lot of the other symptoms, though, so maybe the best way to confirm would be to send plant samples out for evaluation. The other interesting thing, pretty much all the tomatoes we tried growing in containers/buckets last year with fresh, new diy mix had similar issues.