Harvest them when you want to use them. Softball size sounds pretty good; when they get too large the seeds tend to predominate and they can get a bit pithy. If you leave a fruit on the plant later on for seed saving, it is easy - eggplant turn yellow when they are ready for picking for seed saving (NOT eating!)...just cut them in quarters, push out the seeds while holding under water in a bowl - rub the flesh from the seeds, scoop out the flesh (which floats), then put the whole thing through a sieve...air dry on paper plates for a few weeks. I've found that you can get more eggplant seed than you will ever need from one fruit, and it is viable for at least 5 years.
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Craig
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