I have to admire your ambitious undertaking.
All that I can add at this point is one that popped into my head early this morning, after hearing my ram tearing a piece of siding
off the back of my home:
PITA as in
Pain
In
The
Arse.
And it's a good thing that I don't have any neighbors close by, because the string of obscenities I yelled out the window (at him) would have made a sailor blush.